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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634859">The Most Wonderful Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/plutosrose/pseuds/plutosrose'>plutosrose</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xceru/pseuds/xceru'>xceru</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Brief Mention of Homophobic Language, DON'T READ IF YOU LIKE STONY, Everyone Is Gay, Getting Together, Happiest Season AU, M/M, POV Alternating, Past James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark - Freeform, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Relationship Problems, SERIOUSLY YOU WILL NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Freeform, Stony breakup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:54:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/plutosrose/pseuds/plutosrose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xceru/pseuds/xceru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve travels to his boyfriend Tony’s family's house for Christmas, he’s met with a huge surprise - Tony’s parents don’t know that they're dating.</p><p>A Marvel/Happiest Season AU, featuring Natasha with more access to security software than the NSA, a nativity scene with cat figurines, and a mysterious medical school student named Bucky Barnes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Rebecca Barnes Proctor, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers &amp; Natasha Romanov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>163</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Steve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Updates on Tuesdays and Fridays until February 2nd!</p><p>Edit: The Steve/Tony tag was moved out of the Relationships section and into the additional tags section after the authors received repeated complaints for posting this fic with the Steve/Tony relationship tag. We apologize if this makes it harder for you to filter out this fic, and consider yourself reminded that this relationship exists in the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No matter the situation he was in, Steve Rogers was always right.</p><p>When he and his boyfriend fought over what movie to watch, Steve always found the perfect compromise. When his best friend Natasha had girl problems, Steve always knew what to say to make her feel better. And when the time came to pick out an engagement ring, Steve knew that he'd found the right one.</p><p>Natasha had scoffed at the simple band Steve picked out, declaring that, "If you're going to fall victim to society's heteronormative demands, you have to at least get something sparkly." But Steve knew his boyfriend—as vivacious and dramatic as Tony Stark was, he loved Steve's easygoing attitude, his minimalist tastes, loved every part of him, and would want this ring to be a symbol of that.</p><p>The ring was in Steve's pocket, where he'd kept it for the past few days. He and Tony were driving to spend Christmas with Tony's parents, and Steve had a plan: Make Tony's parents fall in love with him, get Mr. Stark's blessing to propose, and ask Tony to marry him on Christmas morning. It was a perfect plan—it was <i>right</i>. But as Steve held his hand and hummed along to the Christmas songs on the radio, he noticed that Tony was tightly gripping the steering wheel and sweating in the car’s heat. Something was wrong.</p><p>“Are you alright?” </p><p>Tony took a deep breath, flattened his palms against the steering wheel, and said, "There’s something we need to talk about before we get to my folks’. It’s not a big deal really, but we should talk about it."</p><p>"What is it?" Steve asked. He placed a hand on the back of Tony's neck, then frowned at how sweaty it was. "What's wrong?"</p><p>"Funny story," Tony said. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, eyes locked onto the road. "You’re going to like this one, actually. Do you remember this summer when I came out to my parents and told them we were together, and they took it really well?"</p><p>"Yes," Steve said, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>"That wasn’t entirely accurate." Tony removed Steve's hand from the back of his neck and squeezed it.</p><p>"They didn’t take it well?" Steve asked, furrowing his brow. He remembered that day—it was July, right after his 27th birthday. Tony's parents were visiting New York, and Tony had promised to tell them about him and Steve. Steve had wanted to meet them, but Tony had said that he didn't want to overwhelm them with too much at once. Come out first—meet the boyfriend later.</p><p>"Not exactly," Tony said. He paused, then chuckled nervously. "I didn’t tell them."</p><p>Steve's heart stopped. He dropped Tony's hand and turned to face him. "What do you mean you didn't tell them?"</p><p>"I was going to," Tony said quickly. Steve raised an eyebrow, and Tony added, "Really, I was. But then Dad told me he was running for mayor, and..." Tony sighed. He snuck a glance at Steve, then narrowed his eyes at the road. "Let's pull over."</p><p>Parked on the side of the road, Tony unbuckled his seatbelt and twisted around to face Steve. His eyes were pleading for Steve to just go with it, no matter how selfish or destructive he was being. It was a look he gave Steve often, and frankly, Steve was getting tired of it.</p><p>"Who do your parents think I am?" Steve asked quietly. He could barely look at Tony, let alone touch the soft velvet of the ring box in his pocket. Instead, Steve clasped his hands in his lap and stared down at them, praying that his voice wouldn't crack.</p><p>Tony winced. "My roommate."</p><p>Steve almost laughed. "They don’t think it’s strange that you’re bringing your roommate home for Christmas?"</p><p>"No, because—this was a genius bit of thinking on my part, really—I told them you had nowhere else to go, since your parents—well. I didn't have to lie."</p><p>It was true: Steve's parents were gone. His father had died overseas before Steve was born—his truck had hit an IED, and Joseph was gone before he'd even known it was coming. Steve's mom died when Steve was in college, had picked up a virus in the infectious disease ward where she'd worked. Steve had had to finish college alone, unmoored, grieving every layer of the loss. If it hadn't been for Natasha, Steve didn't think that he could've finished.</p><p>"So," Steve said, "your parents think that I'm your sad, orphaned roommate who's never had a place to go on Christmas?"</p><p>"That's a nice way of putting it, yes."</p><p>"Great,” Steve deadpanned, jaw clenching. “I’m not going."</p><p>"Look." Tony unbuckled Steve's seatbelt, then dragged a hand down his thigh, making him gasp. "If you think about it, this is a good thing. Mom and Dad will see how thoughtful and smart you are, they'll fall in love with you, and then it'll be easy to tell them. A perfect plan." Tony pulled himself out of the driver's seat and onto Steve's lap, banging and crashing and making Steve laugh. Tony grabbed Steve's face with both hands and looked him in the eye. Steve tried to look stern, but he was smiling, and he knew his cheeks were red.</p><p>"I get it, okay?" Tony continued. "I'm asking a lot of you. But I promise I'll tell my folks everything after the holidays, and then all will be right with the world. So—you in?"</p><p>If Steve wanted to win the argument, he'd tell Tony how inconsiderate it was to do this to him—to bring him to a place he wasn't wanted, where he couldn't be all of himself.</p><p>But Steve didn't want to be right. He wanted to be a good boyfriend. More than that, he saw how hard this was for Tony, and he wanted the person he loved most in the world to feel better.</p><p>So Steve pushed his reservations aside. He put his hands on Tony's arms and kissed his boyfriend lightly on the lips. Then he wrapped his arms around him and let Tony sink into his chest, hands in his hair, whispering a promise that they could make it through the difficulty, as long as they did it together.</p><p>Maybe in time, Steve could make himself believe it was true.</p><p> </p><p>As Tony wound the car up his parents' driveway, Steve went over the plan in his head. <i>You are Tony's orphan roommate. You never have a place to go on Christmas. You are essentially a stray dog that Tony picked up on the side of the road and decided to keep. You wonder if he's done this before.</i></p><p>Steve sighed, then put a hand on Tony's shoulder. Tony shifted the car into park, then glanced over at his boyfriend.</p><p>"Anything else I should know before we go inside?" Steve asked.</p><p>"No, well, let me think. Um, my father's favorite whiskey—"</p><p>"Tony."</p><p>"Fine, fine. Maybe don't mention that you're..."</p><p>"Gay?"</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, I think, actually, it might be better to just avoid that whole spectrum of identity thing and live in my parents' world where everyone is happy to be hetero."</p><p>Steve sucked in a breath. It would be hard enough pretending that he and Tony weren't boyfriends, but now Steve had to pretend to be <i>straight</i>? It was an identity he'd worn a little too well for a little too long, letting college almost lapse before he told people that he wasn't. His mother had known Steve was gay, but when she'd died, the secret had died with her for a while. Steve hadn't been able to face his identity again until Natasha pulled it out of him, drunk at a bar in the West Village their junior year. Now that he was out, he hated the idea of going back.</p><p>"Anything else?" Steve asked, trying to speak with a calmness that he didn't feel.</p><p>"Try not to lie," Tony said. He slipped his sunglasses on as he got out of the car, and Steve followed behind him. "You’re a terrible liar."</p><p>Steve sighed. The list of things he was allowed to do at the Starks' house was shortening by the minute. He didn't know how much of himself was even left for Howard and Maria to meet.</p><p>Steve walked up the cobblestone driveway as Tony fiddled with his sunglasses. Steve didn't know a lot about the Starks. Tony rarely talked about his father, and when he did, it was always about Stark Industries, where Tony had been working since before he and Steve had met. It seemed like Tony's whole relationship with his father revolved around that place, as if their bond didn't follow them home.</p><p>Tony rang the doorbell and Steve waited, hand shoving the engagement ring as deep into his pocket as it would go. An older woman in a tight bun answered, then immediately pulled out an iPad and started taking pictures.</p><p>"Mom, <i>please</i>," Tony said, slipping out of the frame and taking off his sunglasses. "You become a paparazzo or something?"</p><p>"I started an Instagram feed for your father," Maria Stark said, "so the voters can see the authentic Howard Stark. Your mother’s going viral!"</p><p>"That's great, Mom," Tony said with a sigh. Then he gestured to his boyfriend and said, "I'd like you to meet my roommate, Steve."</p><p>Steve waved from the doorstep, a big smile plastered on his face. His heart was pounding, but he tried to stay calm for Tony's sake. It was hard to extend his hand for Tony's mom to shake, knowing that he was introducing himself as a stranger. If he really married Tony, he would never have the opportunity to introduce himself to his boyfriend's parents again. It was a weird thought, one he didn't really want to give space to, so like all of the other voices in his head telling him that Tony's plan was nuts, he pushed it aside.</p><p>"It's lovely to meet you," Maria said, extending her hands and gripping Steve in an awkward hug.</p><p>"Thank you for having me," Steve said as he pulled away. He glanced over at Tony, who gave him a thumbs up behind his mom's back. Steve added, "It's been years since I've had a real Christmas."</p><p>Tony suppressed a giggle, and Steve elbowed him.</p><p>"You are so welcome," Maria said warmly. "Howard and I are always happy to provide for those in need."</p><p>Steve's face reddened. Before he could respond, Tony stepped in front of him and said, "Where's Dad?"</p><p>"Oh, he's in his office. Let's go inside."</p><p>The Starks' foyer was bigger than Steve's entire apartment in New York. The grand staircase was covered in wreaths, their red velvet bows neatly matching Mrs. Stark's sweater. The high ceiling reminded Steve of a museum, which to an art history graduate student like him made the house feel somewhat welcoming. Steve's shoes clicked on the white tiled floor as Maria walked him and Tony through the giant foyer, past the giant kitchen, and into Howard's office.</p><p>Tony's father was on the phone when they walked in. "Pierce will be at the party tomorrow, you're sure of it?" He paused, then nodded at his wife. "Excellent. Chester, I'll call you back after dinner; my son just arrived."</p><p>Howard hung up the phone and stepped out of his chair. "Tony," he said. There was no warmth in his tone. "And who is this?"</p><p>"Oh, you remember," Maria said, pulling out her iPad and taking a picture of Tony and Howard shaking hands. "This is Tony's orphan friend, Steve. He's staying with us for Christmas this year."</p><p>"Hello, sir," Steve said, stepping forward to shake Howard's hand. His handshake was too firm to be hospitable, but not enough to be hostile. It was the handshake of someone who knew he had power over you, but he didn't want to use it yet.</p><p>"Steve," Howard said, "Of course. Any friend of Tony's is a friend of ours." He looked at Tony when he said it, and Steve's eyes followed. From a glance Tony almost looked smug, but Steve could see the sadness in his eyes. It took everything in Steve not to go to him, to comfort him. But he knew that he had to hold back.</p><p>"Sir, that speech you gave last week at the soup kitchen was excellent," Steve said. "Inspiring, but not condescending. I wanted to ask—" but before he could finish his sentence, Steve's phone rang. <i>Nat</i>. She was the only person who ever called him.</p><p>Steve apologized quickly, pulled out his phone, and said, "I should take this. It's my..." He looked at Tony, whose eyes had gone buggy and wide. "...girlfriend."</p><p>Tony rapidly shook his head, sliding his hand back and forth across his neck.</p><p>"Sorry, my... ex. Ex-girlfriend. My ex-girlfriend whom I dated who's… a girl. Excuse me."</p><p>Steve didn't wait to see the looks on the Starks' faces as he maneuvered his way out of Howard's office, then outside.</p><p>When he picked up the phone, there was a staticky sound coming from Nat's end. "Hello?" Steve asked.</p><p>"Just a minute..." Nat's voice was hollow and tinny, as if she were talking through aluminum foil.</p><p>"Am I on speaker?"</p><p>"Yes, sorry, I left a lady alone in my apartment, so I'm tracking her to make sure she leaves. It’ll just be a second."</p><p>"You're tracking her?" Steve asked with a laugh. "Why am I not surprised?"</p><p>"I track everybody," Nat said. "If the NSA can do it, so can I. Okay, she's gone. What were you saying?"</p><p>"<i>You</i> called <i>me</i>," Steve said with a grin. He loved how bizarre his best friend was.</p><p>"Right, right," Nat said. "I called you. I'm dying to know how it's going with Tony's bougie family."</p><p>"They're not <i>that</i> bougie," Steve said.</p><p>"Stop lying. You're bad at it. How big is the place?"</p><p>"It's like a museum," Steve said. "I swear, Nat, if I could work at a place like this, I wouldn't even need the PhD. I could spend my days shining the floors and never get tired of it."</p><p>"That big, huh?"</p><p>"Huge. You wouldn't believe." He sighed, imagining how this weekend could've gone—he and Tony lounging by the fire, draped in each other's laps. Maria and Howard equally wrapped up in each other, enjoying the proximity not just of their son, but of the person who loved him more than anything.</p><p>"What's the catch?" Nat asked.</p><p>"Why does there need to be a catch?"</p><p>"Your voice is shaky. You're upset."</p><p>"I'm not upset. Really, it's fine. It's—you know, it could be better, but—"</p><p>"Aha. Spill."</p><p>"Tony's parents don't exactly know... Tony didn't tell them..." Steve trailed off. He noticed the cold air bite his cheeks, but he leaned into it, savoring the relief from his blush.</p><p>"Spit it out, Rogers."</p><p>"Tony's parents don't know we're together." A moment of silence, then, "They don't even know Tony's gay."</p><p>Nat sucked in a breath. "Wow. That's heavy."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"You gonna dump his ass?"</p><p>"Nat, no."</p><p>"I'd dump his ass."</p><p>"I know you would. But this isn't some random person I met at a bar two weeks ago. This is <i>Tony</i>. He's the love of my life." Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It sucks, okay? But I'd do anything for him."</p><p>"And he knows that," Nat said softly. "Steve, remember that he knows that."</p><p>Steve sighed. "It's going to be fine."</p><p>"I'm not the one you need to convince," Nat said. "It sounds like a train wreck. Keep me posted."</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes. "Will do, Romanoff."</p><p>"Love you, Rogers. Take care."</p><p>"Love you too." Steve hung up the phone, but he didn't go back inside. Instead, he let the wind chill his cheeks as he stared at the vast, white lawn. He knew he'd need to return to the house eventually—they had dinner in an hour—but for now he was enjoying the silence, alone with the setting of the sun.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bucky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was nothing excessively terrible about the holidays, Bucky thought. Amtrak tended to run more or less on time; Becca and her husband John helped him make his escape whenever their parents got too overbearing; and everyone tended to have a good time, even if they had to be plied with more than a few sugar cookies and shots of peppermint schnapps.</p><p>The only teeny, tiny wrinkle, was that every year, the Starks held a White Elephant Party, and every year, no matter the excuses that Bucky made, he always struggled to convince his family that it would be a good idea to back out of it.</p><p>Winnie and Maria always got on well, and Howard had invited George over to discuss business over cigars and brandy so often that it was starting to become a habit. And yeah, sure, maybe he should have just told them the truth, because maybe they would have been supportive and ducked out of the party, but he was an adult and he didn’t need anyone to know his business, so he put on a brave face and secretly counted down the moments until he would be pleasantly drunk at the Starks’ and could forget about it for another year.</p><p>The first night that he arrived from Manhattan, his parents liked to take the whole family out to the fanciest restaurant in town, which you had to cross a draw-bridge over a small creek to get into. It was thoughtful of them, even if it always made him feel a little bit like he was still in college. </p><p>He had just gotten up from the table and walked over to the bathroom when Tony—and a very blond, very not Tony person emerged.</p><p>“Tony,” Bucky forced a smile, unconsciously puffing out his chest. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” The Starks practically owned the town already, and he was certain that once Howard won the election, it would cement its status as Starkville. Stark Town? One of those. It was most definitely a little bit of a dig.</p><p>“It’s nice to see you,” Tony nodded, which made Bucky feel just the slightest bit petulant. </p><p>Bucky’s eyes fell on the other man, who was very, very blond. His eyes were very blue, and the way that his lip kept twitching—as though he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to smile or not—threatened to break his composure. </p><p>“This is um… Steve… he’s…”</p><p>“…an… orphan… roommate,” Steve said weakly. Bucky raised an eyebrow at them, gaze sliding down to notice the way that Steve’s fingers seemed to be reaching for Tony’s, whose hand was just out of reach. </p><p>Bucky smiled tightly. “Well, have a good time with your orphan roommate, Tony,” he said smoothly, as he squeezed past them. </p><p>His eyes raked over Steve as he passed him. He lived in New York City, for fuck’s sake. He saw attractive men all the time, he’d been with plenty of them too, even with his busy med school schedule. But already, he could tell that he wasn’t going to be able to get Steve out of his head.</p><p>And Steve was here with Tony. </p><p>Jesus Christ, this wasn’t going to be good.</p><p>When he got back to his family’s table, Bucky tried to do his best to ignore it—he put up with the Starks’ Christmas Party every single year. He could handle seeing Tony here with an attractive man. He’d do what he did best, and get appropriately family drunk and pretend that Tony was someone else. If he could do years of med school, then hell, this was easy. </p><p>His mom was talking about some event that Howard and Maria had done at the local soup kitchen, but Bucky wasn’t listening. Between sips of the valpolicella ripasso, his eyes wandered over to Steve and Tony’s table. </p><p>Every so often, he noticed the way that Steve’s hands seemed to be twitching, fidgeting, as though he couldn’t decide what to do. It was obvious to him that they were here together, but Steve seemed to be fighting the impulse to reach out. To be close. Bucky furrowed his brow—he had to wonder why that was. Tony had never struck him as the kind of person who didn’t want to revel in the affection and adoration of a partner, especially not one that looked like Steve. </p><p>It was at about that moment, with Becca constantly poking him in his side and reminding him that they needed to order, that he saw Pepper walk over to Steve and Tony’s table, all bright smiles and effortless elegance. Maybe there had been a time in his life that he’d been jealous, disliked her, but she was a hard person to dislike, and over the past few years, they had exchanged a few pleasant conversations at the Starks’ White Elephant Party.</p><p>But somehow, he thought, this didn’t have very much to do with the White Elephant Party. Both Howard and Maria hopped up to greet her, and Tony did too, kissing her on both cheeks and giving her an affectionate little squeeze.</p><p>Even from his spot across the room, he could see the way that Steve shifted, offering her his hand. Steve was so transparent, it was easy to see how stiff and uncomfortable he was, even at a distance. </p><p>Bucky pursed his lips, hoping that if Becca noticed, he could blame the reaction on the wine. Maybe, he thought, he was being a little too judgmental—reading things into Tony’s relationship that weren’t actually there, out of some twisted desire to see Tony be miserable. </p><p>That was, until Steve abruptly got up from the table, throwing his napkin down and storming past his family’s table. About thirty seconds later, Tony followed. At this point, Bucky realized that he’d had his entire arm in the olive oil on his appetizer plate. </p><p>“Excuse me,” he said, and Becca raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t say anything.</p><p>He crept through the dining room, trying to look as natural as possible, like he wasn’t tailing Tony and his boyfriend through a fancy restaurant. </p><p>When he got outside, he stayed a few feet away from the entrance, making a show of fishing a cigarette out of his pocket. He’d quit smoking about six months ago, but it was helpful, sometimes, to have an excuse to go outside at these events, even if Becca had told him on more than one occasion that he should be able to excuse himself from situations like an adult.</p><p>With the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, he looked over for a few seconds—just long enough to clock where the two of them were—and noticed that neither of them were paying the slightest attention to him.</p><p>“Did you know that Pepper was going to be here?”</p><p>“No! Why do you think that I would keep something like that from you?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Steve huffed, “But I don’t know why you would keep me a secret either.” </p><p>“I just need time, Steve. I promise that I’m going to tell them. Pepper is always going to be an important person to me, but I promise that you are the <i>most</i> important person to me. I swear that’s not going to change no matter how many times my dad tells me that Pepper’s single over a fifty dollar steak.” </p><p>He heard muttering now, and when he turned, he saw Steve and Tony embrace. </p><p>Bucky flushed hot, before he turned and tried to pretend that he was putting out his cigarette as Tony and Steve went back inside the restaurant. </p><p>Well, whatever argument they were having seemed resolved, he thought. Maybe it would be easy to put Steve out of his head. He barely knew him, and whatever was going on between him and Tony—it didn’t matter. He clearly seemed to love him.</p><p>This would be fine. He probably would forget him by the White Elephant Party, anyway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Steve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After that terrible dinner, Steve thought the next day couldn't get any worse. He hadn't anticipated Maria's growing obsession with everyone being picture-perfect at all times, nor Howard's chilly presence as he poured over a newspaper with a pen, nor Tony's insistence that everything was perfectly normal, thank you very much.</p><p>Steve and Tony hadn't talked about Pepper since their fight, but her face was burned in the back of Steve's mind. Her twinkling laugh covered Tony's as he told a joke; her blonde hair replaced Steve's as Tony ran his fingers through it. Steve didn't want to be preoccupied by her, but it suddenly felt like she was everywhere. Steve just wanted Tony to himself.</p><p>But as the day dragged on, Steve realized how impossible that was. Even if he and Tony had been out, there would still be Howard's campaign manager to worry about, a deep-voiced, sarcastic man named Chester Phillips who was constantly pulling Tony aside to "debrief" him. After the second time Phillips snapped at Steve as he reached for a cookie in the kitchen, Steve decided that the man was in the wrong line of work.</p><p>"He's like a drill sergeant," Steve was telling Nat on the phone. "It's impossible to be in the same room as him for more than a minute, but also somehow impossible to get away from him. And he seems determined to shape Tony into a smaller Howard Stark."</p><p>"That honestly sounds like an improvement," Nat said. When Steve didn't respond, she said, "Sorry. Go on."</p><p>"It isn't even the worst part," Steve continued. "The worst part is that Tony knew it would be like this and he didn't tell me. It's like he doesn't trust me with his secrets. And don't say—"</p><p>"It's because you're a terrible liar."</p><p>"—it's because I'm a terrible liar. Jesus, Nat, you aren't helping."</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>"You're not sorry."</p><p>"No, I'm not. You know that I think he's not good enough for you. I don't have anything else to say."</p><p>"You could just listen."</p><p>"I could. Or..." Nat trailed off. Steve could hear the mischief in her tone. "...we could talk about the hot guy from the restaurant."</p><p>Steve sighed. He regretted telling Nat about the guy as soon as he'd done so. He didn't even know his name. When Steve had asked Tony who he was, Tony had quickly said "No one" and then changed the subject. Normally Steve wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but Tony hadn’t looked confused when he’d seen him—he’d looked guilty. There was a history there, something that Tony was hiding. </p><p>Steve knew that if he told Nat any of this, she would track the guy down in a matter of minutes and return with a full outline of his and Tony’s history. But if the person he loved was hiding something, Steve wanted to hear it from him.</p><p>With all of this in mind, Steve said, "There's nothing to say. There was a guy at the restaurant. He was passably handsome—"</p><p>"He was <i>hot</i>."</p><p>"How could you possibly know that?"</p><p>"Security cameras," Nat said. "They're not hard to hack into. Will he be at the party tonight?"</p><p>"I don't know," Steve said, deciding to brush past the fact that Nat was still keeping tabs on him. "And it doesn't matter, anyway. I'm only going to support Tony. There's some big donor that his father is trying to impress, so everything has to be perfect. Tony's under a lot of pressure."</p><p>"Poor baby," Nat said dryly. "Good luck, Steve."</p><p>"Thanks, Nat. Talk soon."</p><p>When Steve and the Starks arrived at the party, it was already in full swing. Phillips, for example, was standing against a wall, holding an unsipped scotch and surveying the room. White tables dotted its center, decorated with gold napkins and festive bouquets. The bar was on the far side of the room—as Howard pulled Tony away to speak to Phillips, Steve headed there.</p><p>The vodka Steve ordered was a nice accessory, giving him something to do with his hands. He watched the Starks from across the room—Tony was laughing animatedly, which Steve knew meant it was fake. Howard kept glancing at an older man, tall and intimidating, who must've been Alexander Pierce.</p><p>It wasn't as bad as Steve had expected. Sure, Tony wasn't spending time with him, but Steve didn't need constant attention. All he needed was a beautifully decorated ballroom and something to do with his hands.</p><p>His mood shifted when Pepper arrived.</p><p>She walked up to Tony with purpose, placing a hand on his shoulder and whispering something in his ear. Steve frowned. <i>Tony is your boyfriend,</i> he reminded himself. <i>He wants to be with you. This is for the sake of Howard's campaign. After the holidays, everything will go back to normal.</i></p><p>The more Steve recited it, the more it felt like a mantra: a hopeful statement rather than a truthful one.</p><p>The vodka began to feel heavy in Steve's hands. He set it on the bar, largely untouched, and headed to the deck for fresh air.</p><p>Outside, Steve felt like he could breathe again. He checked his phone instinctively and found a text from Nat—<i>Most American country clubs didn't allow female members until the early 2000s. The one you're in now started in 2005.</i></p><p>He didn't bother asking how she knew that. Instead, he called her.</p><p>She picked up on the first ring. "Do you think the club would notice if all of their funds were mysteriously redirected to Planned Parenthood? Because I'm not saying I <i>will</i> do it, but I might be saying that I <i>could</i>. Actually, I don't know why I'm asking. I'm doing it. How are you?"</p><p>Steve smiled. "Better, now that I'm outside. It's strange—I never used to feel trapped indoors, but ever since I've been here, it's like standing in the cold is the only thing that makes me feel like myself. Inside, I have to be someone else." Steve ran his fingers through the back of his hair. "I know you don't think Tony's worth all this. I appreciate your listening anyway."</p><p>"It's fine, Steve," Nat said. "The last time my heart was broken, you showed up with chocolates and Bond movies and let me cry about her all day. The least I can do is be gentle while I question your choices."</p><p>Steve laughed. The sad thing was, this really was Nat being gentle. After another minute on the phone with her, Steve decided that he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. But as soon as he hung up, someone approached him.</p><p>"Hey, do you have a lighter?"</p><p>Steve turned around and saw something he wasn't expecting: a familiar face. It was the passably handsome man from the restaurant, the one who Tony had lied about knowing.</p><p>Immediately, Steve was intrigued. He shook his head—he didn't have a lighter; he didn't smoke—but he didn't want the conversation to end. If he accomplished nothing else tonight, he could at least find out who this guy was, who he and Tony were to each other.</p><p>"Sorry," Steve said. Then he gestured to the guy's gloves and said, "Bit cold for a smoke."</p><p>"Nicotine addiction doesn't take holidays off," the guy said.</p><p>Steve chuckled and the guy stepped closer. "Bucky," the guy said. "Bucky Barnes."</p><p>"Steve Rogers." Then before he could stop himself, he blurted, "You know Tony?"</p><p>Bucky laughed nervously. "You could say that."</p><p>Steve waited for him to continue, but Bucky just smoothed the hair out of his eyes and stared blankly at his cigarette before putting it back in his pocket. "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything—you didn't see me when you came out—but, um... I can relate."</p><p>Steve frowned. "Relate to Tony?"</p><p>Bucky shook his head. He wasn't meeting Steve's eye; instead he was staring at his feet. "No," he said. Then he cleared his throat and said, "Never mind," with a sigh. He glanced at Steve then, smiling slightly, and Steve felt his heart squeeze, just a little. It must've been the cold. "I'm gonna go back inside," Bucky said. "I'm sure my mother's hairdresser wants to show me the weird spot on her finger again."</p><p>Steve laughed. "Is that a thing people do upstate?"</p><p>"No, no," Bucky said, laughing too. "I'm in medical school. I try to tell them I'm specializing in orthopedics, but people still think I can solve all of their problems." Bucky sucked in a breath, then added, "It can be fun, in small doses. It's nice to feel needed, you know? But after a while it gets to be too much." Bucky stuck his hands in his pockets and said, "That's when I come out here. It's like, when I'm outside..."</p><p>"...you don't have to pretend." Steve felt his cheeks redden and quickly added, "Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off."</p><p>"That's okay." Bucky was smiling now, a curl of hair falling into his eyes. "That's pretty much what I would've said."</p><p>"It's nice to meet someone who... relates," Steve replied.</p><p>"Yeah," Bucky said. "It is. I'll see you around, Steve Rogers."</p><p>"Diagnose me later, Bucky Barnes."</p><p>Bucky laughed. If Pepper's laugh was a twinkle, then Bucky's was a wind chime—light and gentle, inviting and warm. Steve couldn't help but think that it was nothing like Tony's, which always sounded a bit like he was mocking you.</p><p>As Bucky waved goodbye and went back inside, Steve wondered what had just happened. The conversation had been comfortable, easy. It had warmed Steve up and made him smile. But instead of just enjoying the fact that he'd had a nice talk with a stranger, Steve felt sad. He'd come here to have these moments with Tony. But as Steve stared through the window at Howard and Phillips, at Pepper's hand resting on Tony's shoulder, he felt more and more like he and Tony wouldn't get to have that—at least not until Tony told his parents the truth.</p><p>Steve tried to be optimistic. It would happen soon enough—it had to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bucky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky was seriously considering moving to Antarctica and starting a new life as a marine biologist—was Antarctica a place marine biologists went? Anyway, details. He’d figure those out later.</p>
<p>He couldn’t stay in town and have to go to the Starks’ on Christmas Eve and also see Steve. It was just unacceptable. It would make him burst into flames. It would make him die of embarrassment. </p>
<p>Plus he just didn’t want to.</p>
<p>He’d been keeping all the bullshit that had happened between him and Tony locked down for more than a decade now. He could see Tony at the White Elephant Party every single damn year, see him at every restaurant, see him everywhere in the stupid town, and never crack. </p>
<p>The second he brought a man back with him, Bucky’s having a whole ass crisis. He’d even gone outside with his damn cigarettes to try and talk to him at the most recent stupid bougie party he’d attended. Bucky can’t stop thinking about him, and clearly the only solution that he has is to move as far as he possibly can from upstate New York, changing both his name and profession. </p>
<p>Could he pass as a Mark?</p>
<p>He’d taken a walk that evening to try and clear his head, try to get over a crush (because really, that’s all it was, a stupid crush, if you could even call it that) on someone that he barely knew. He knew his name and he knew he was here with Tony, and once Tony got in the mix, things were bound to go south.</p>
<p>He ended up in the middle of town, lingering out in front of the little boutique shop windows on main street. That was when he heard something that made him jump. </p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>He swiveled around to see Steve standing in front of him, looking sheepish and maybe even a little lost. </p>
<p>“Hi Steve,” he smiled. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I, uh...need to get a White Elephant gift,” Steve said, rubbing the back of his neck absently. “Tony didn’t exactly mention that I needed to come with a gift. You wouldn’t know where to get a good gift for the party, would you?”</p>
<p>For a second, Bucky felt like his brain had shorted out—it took him a moment to realize he was just staring at him, and probably not even blinking. “Yeah, uh...there’s a lot of shops here where you can get something—candles or like...whiskey, I’d go for the whiskey, personally. Always a crowd pleaser.”</p>
<p>Jesus Christ, he needed to shut up.</p>
<p>Or not, because Steve was smiling at him. “You want to show me where I can find a bottle of whiskey worthy of this White Elephant Party?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Bucky smiled, although his heart was thrumming wildly in his chest. He was going to leave it alone, he told himself, only seconds before he said, “Tony not helping you pick out a gift?”</p>
<p>Steve’s mouth became a hard line, and Bucky immediately regretted it. “No,” Steve said, and Bucky put up his hands.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said, though he wasn’t sure what the hell he was really apologizing for—was it such a big deal to accompany your partner on a shopping trip? There was definitely more there, Bucky thought. “I can help you get the gift, though. You’ll want something that’s at least fifty dollars to avoid getting torn to shreds by some of the vultures that attend this thing.”</p>
<p>Steve made a face, and Bucky hated how much he wanted to kiss him. “That’s so much money.” </p>
<p>“I know. It’s not like anyone who attends these parties actually needs the gifts they’re getting. That money could be going to something that makes a difference.”</p>
<p>Steve nodded. “You’re telling me—Tony’s family’s house could fit the apartment that I grew up in about seven times over.” </p>
<p>It was interesting, Bucky thought, that he should be here with Tony. Tony was not, to Bucky’s knowledge, a deeply empathetic person who understood what it was like to struggle in life. To be fair, Bucky didn’t either, but he considered himself a better listener. </p>
<p>“Well,” Bucky smiled, “Let’s go—everything in this town seems to close at like 8pm, including the damn liquor stores.” </p>
<p>And that was where his bad decisions for the evening started. </p>
<p>For example, it was in the shop while Steve made faces at the bottles and fussed over the price tags that he said, “You don’t have to buy something here if it doesn’t feel right. Anyway, it’s getting kind of late, have you had dinner?” Like some kind of idiot, and Steve had smiled so brightly it had made him feel warm and happy, and yeah, having dinner with Steve wasn’t the best way to get rid of a stupid crush, but it was unfortunately what was happening. Apparently, he’d left his brain back at med school. </p>
<p>The feeling that his chest had been replaced by a flock of birds didn’t stop, and in fact, it might have gotten worse when the two of them sat down opposite each other at the restaurant. </p>
<p>“You said that you could relate, at the club,” Steve said, fingers fidgeting around his beer. “What did that mean?”</p>
<p>Bucky let out a sigh and licked his lips. </p>
<p>“I meant that I can relate to being in love with someone who is too afraid to show the world who they really are.” Bucky pursed his lips. “Do you know what happened between me and Tony?”</p>
<p>“He told me that he didn’t know who you were.” Steve winced his way through the sentence. </p>
<p>Bucky snorted. “Didn’t know who I was...that’s a new one. We...uh...had something.” </p>
<p>Steve raised an eyebrow. Bucky shook his head. “It was a long time ago. But I was young and dumb and thought I was in love, so I would write him these little notes and leave them in his locker. Rhodey or Clint found them and Tony brushed the whole thing off. Said I was obsessed with him.And to be fair, everyone kind of was? His family’s rich, he threw insane parties...but yeah.” </p>
<p>Bucky wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse with Steve looking back at him, looking...sympathetic? Sad? It was hard to tell. “It was a long time ago,” he said in a hurry, hoping to dispel the mood that had settled over them. “I don’t even remember what I wrote in those notes anymore.” </p>
<p>He remembered all of them, but Steve didn’t have to know that. </p>
<p>“And it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, anyway—at least it was one of Tony’s friends who saw them and not a homophobic prick like Jack Rollins.” Bucky took a long drink from his glass—Rollins still occasionally showed up to the Starks’ White Elephant Party, but at least he didn’t have to see him every day of his life like when he was in high school. </p>
<p>He tried to school his expression into something utterly blank, something that might have even been a little positive, but Steve continued to study him, like he knew there was more to the story.</p>
<p>Steve’s hands fidgeted a little more, as though he was fighting to do something. It was easy for Bucky to imagine Steve reaching out and putting his hand on his arm or leaning in and kissing him, because he was fucking shameless, as it turned out, and going to a restaurant with Steve was not the way to put this stupid little crush to bed once and for all. </p>
<p>“Oh, they have karaoke, do you do karaoke?”</p>
<p>Bucky blinked at him. “I—uh, I mean, sometimes? Sure?”</p>
<p>“So Tony insists we practice if we go somewhere that does karaoke, but I...I think it’d be fun to just do it, you know?”</p>
<p>“That seems like a lot of work just for karaoke,” Bucky said, furrowing his brow.</p>
<p>Steve shrugged. “I used to be kind of pissed about things like that, but I kind of get it? Because of who his dad is, Tony gets photographed sometimes when we’re out, and he had enough embarrassing photos put out there when he was in college, and he always said that he never wanted to drag someone he was in a relationship with into that.”</p>
<p>Bucky watched Steve carefully, wondering if he was about to say something else—the way that his brow knitted together made it seem like he was angry and doing his best to ignore it. It wasn’t hard for Bucky to start having fantasies about being incredibly friendly and supportive and maybe also convincing Steve to break up with Tony in the process. </p>
<p>But whatever it was never came, and instead Steve said, “So, do you want to? With me?” </p>
<p>Fuck, he was sitting across from Steve in a restaurant, nursing a stupidly sweet peppermint martini and now Steve was asking him if he wanted to sing together. </p>
<p>“Yeah, sure, it’ll be fun.” Bucky forced a smile.</p>
<p>He just had to get through the Christmas Eve party and then he’d be home free, able to forget all about Steve Rogers.</p>
<p>If only it was going to be that easy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Steve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve couldn't remember the last time he had this much fun.</p>
<p>Karaoke quickly turned into drunken karaoke, which then turned into drunken karaoke and dancing. As Bucky belted out the lyrics to <i>Your Love Is My Drug</i>, Steve sipped a drink that tasted like Christmas and laughed until his stomach was sore. He wiggled his fingers in a poor attempt at jazz hands, sloshing his drink onto his wrist, and Bucky laughed helplessly beside him.</p>
<p>"YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG," Bucky scream-sang, and Steve scream-sang the words with him. Then his phone buzzed and he jumped, the rest of the drink falling onto his already-sticky hand.</p>
<p>Bucky laughed through his words as he said, "How... could you possibly... spill so much... alcohol...."</p>
<p>Steve couldn't respond, he was laughing so hard. He set his now-empty glass on a table, wiped his hands on his jeans—"Are you crazy?" said Bucky. "That'll stain"—and pulled his phone out of his pocket.</p>
<p>His face fell when he saw the text.</p>
<p>
  <i>Dinner sucked, you didn't miss a thing. At a bar w/ Pep &amp; the gang—join us</i>
</p>
<p>It was from Tony, along with his shared location, a few blocks away.</p>
<p>Steve glanced up at Bucky, whose lips were pulled into a tight line, the laughter gone from his eyes. "Tony?" he asked.</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"Everything okay?"</p>
<p>A question Steve wished had been asked by his boyfriend. But the more Steve got to know Bucky, the more he realized that Bucky had a compassionate streak that Tony lacked. Steve had never thought of Tony as lacking, but in comparison—Steve shoved the thought aside and nodded in response to Bucky's question.</p>
<p>"He wants to meet up," Steve said. "Would you want to...?"</p>
<p>"Oh, no," Bucky said. He ran his hands through his hair and avoided Steve's eye. "No, I don't think I should. But I hope you two have a good time." There was an edge to Bucky's voice. Steve's instinct was to pry him open, figure out why it was there, and make Bucky feel better.</p>
<p>But that was silly. As much as Steve enjoyed Bucky's company, he was still mostly a stranger. And enjoying the company of someone whose flaws you hadn't learned yet was different from knowing someone as well as Steve knew Tony. Steve knew how to deal with Tony's flaws; he was prepared to handle them. But Bucky was a brand new page, and Steve couldn't pretend that their compatibility was anything more than a lack of knowing each other's worst parts.</p>
<p>So Steve didn't press. He began to walk out of the karaoke room, but his instincts walked him over to Bucky and gave him a hug.</p>
<p>It was a quick, friendly goodbye hug, nothing more. Still, Steve's heart squeezed as his arms wrapped around Bucky's shoulders, as Bucky's hands clutched his waist in response. It was only a moment, but it left Steve feeling shaky. When he finally arrived at the bar to meet his boyfriend, Bucky was still at the front of his mind.</p>
<p>The bar was a dive, the type of place that had probably accepted Tony's fake ID in high school. It was crowded—Steve had to push his way through pockets of college-aged kids, rowdy and home for the holidays, before he spotted Tony at the bar. He, Rhodey, and Clint were all laughing at something Pepper was saying.</p>
<p>One minute in, and Steve was already annoyed.</p>
<p>"Hey, Tony," Steve said, sidling up to him. Tony moved away from him a bit, not enough that anyone other than Steve would notice. He acknowledged Steve's presence with a nod, then turned back to Pepper and his friends.</p>
<p>After twenty minutes of in-jokes from high school, which Steve witnessed as he sat awkwardly in a bar stool, he gave up on trying to join the conversation. Tony and his friends were in a rhythm, and Steve was out of tune. So instead of sticking around for more, Steve muttered to Tony that he was going back to the house, and to please text him when he was on his way home. Tony nodded, barely looking at him as he did.</p>
<p>In the cab home, Steve texted his boyfriend: <i>Hope we can spend more time together tomorrow.</i> When he got back to the house and got ready for bed, he was still waiting for a response.</p>
<p>It never came. As Steve crawled into bed, he texted, <i>Going to sleep now. Get home safe. I love you.</i> Then he stuck his charger in his phone and went to sleep.</p>
<p>In the morning, Steve woke to a text from Tony, timestamped 2:03 AM: <i>Home now Safe xoxo</i>, followed by a kissing emoji. Tony only used emojis when he was drunk.</p>
<p>Steve heaved himself out of bed and got ready for the day. It was nearing 10:00 AM by the time he walked into Tony's room, expecting to find his boyfriend scrolling through his email in bed. But Tony was still asleep.</p>
<p>He stirred when Steve closed the door behind him. "Morning," Steve said.</p>
<p>Tony groaned and pulled the covers over his head.</p>
<p>Steve smiled and walked over to him, gently pulling the covers down to reveal his boyfriend's scrunched-up, sleepy face. "Rough night?" he asked, placing a hand on Tony's cheek.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged off his hand and turned around, pulling the covers back over himself. Steve sighed. "You were out pretty late," he said.</p>
<p>"Can you lay off?" Tony snapped, his voice muffled through his blankets.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Steve said. He pulled back, making sure that he wasn't touching Tony as he sat on the edge of his bed. "I just wanted to hear about your night. We haven't had a lot of time to talk."</p>
<p>"I know, okay?" Tony said. He shoved the blankets off and sat up, facing away from Steve. "There's a lot going on right now, with my dad and the campaign and—I don't need this right now. Not from you."</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?"</p>
<p>"I can't—I can't deal with you constantly checking up on me, like I have a goddamn curfew, or like I shouldn't hang out with my friends. Pepper is my friend, Steve. I can't just ignore her."</p>
<p>"I didn't say anything about Pepper."</p>
<p>"You didn't have to. I know that her presence is bothering you." Tony rubbed sleep out of his eyes and turned around. He locked eyes with Steve and added, "I wish you could just get along with them. You can't have all of my attention right now."</p>
<p>Steve felt anger rise in his chest. "All of your attention? Tony, you barely said a word to me yesterday." </p>
<p>"You didn't even try to get along with them!"</p>
<p>"How could you say that?" Steve stood up, looking at his boyfriend with contempt. He'd always known that Tony had a selfish streak, but this was unbelievable. This wasn't just Tony focusing on his own problems, this was him denying that his decisions affected Steve at all. It was more than a flaw—it was a complete disregard for Steve's feelings. Vaguely, Steve wondered if Tony had done this before, if it had just taken a long time for him to notice.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Steve was flooded with memories. Offering to pay for Tony's parents' dinner in New York before Tony had refused to let them meet; Tony's insistence that museums were useless, that he could see all the art he wanted online, despite knowing how much Steve loved them; Tony always choosing what restaurant they went to, what movies they watched, which friends they hung out with. It hit Steve in the gut, all at once: Tony didn't care about him as much as he cared about himself.</p>
<p>"I need to go," Steve muttered. He looked at Tony, and his boyfriend looked—<i>relieved</i>. Without another word, Steve turned and walked out of the bedroom, skirted past Maria and Howard in the living room, and slammed the front doors open as he walked outside. </p>
<p>Steve's first instinct was to call Nat, but he didn't know what he would say. Instead, he pulled out his phone and opened Uber, then typed in the MetroNorth station nearby. Steve's stomach fell as he saw the price: It would cost hundreds of dollars for Steve to get home.</p>
<p>Despite being outside, the feeling of being trapped rose up in Steve stronger than it had this whole trip. Before panic could set in, Steve closed the Uber app and called Nat.</p>
<p>She answered on the first ring. "Steve, I'm glad you called. My computer is doing this thing where it isn't working. I think I got a virus from the software I used to hack the country club—the money was redirected successfully, and I don't think it'll be traced back to me. If it is, I have someone I can frame, no big deal, but I'd rather keep them around, you know how hard networking is—anyway, can you ask Tony if he can fix it remotely? Otherwise I'll have to dump the whole computer, which would suck, I have so much blackmail saved—Steve, are you there? Why aren't you waxing poetic about my declining morality? Are you okay?"</p>
<p>To her credit, Steve almost laughed. But he didn't have the energy. Instead, he just sucked in a breath and said, "No."</p>
<p>"Okay, one sec. Let me put my blackmail on a flash drive, then we can talk."</p>
<p>Steve poked the snow with his feet as Natasha clicked her keyboard in the background. "Okay, it's loading," she said after a minute. "Talk to me."</p>
<p>Steve recounted the events of last night and that morning to a mercifully quiet Natasha. When he was done, he said, "Should I stay here? It's only two more days. I can handle that." He tried to sound sure, but there was a question in his voice.</p>
<p>"Of course you can," Nat said. "But do you want to?"</p>
<p>"I don't know. I can't drop hundreds of dollars on a ride to the train station. I guess I have to."</p>
<p>"I guess you do." Nat paused, then said, "Use this time to patch things up with Tony." Another pause, then, "Figure out if you even want to."</p>
<p>Steve's instinct was to say yes, of course he wanted to repair his relationship with Tony. But the strength of that feeling had faded, and when he tried to summon it, he couldn't. He just felt defeated.</p>
<p>Steve thanked his best friend and hung up. There was a lot he needed to think about, but he'd been outside for so long that the cold was finally getting to him. Reluctantly, Steve headed back inside.</p>
<p>He spent the rest of the morning in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Maria flitted in and out of the room, muttering about how much work there was to be done now that Pierce was coming to the White Elephant Party that night. The Stark men were noticeably absent.</p>
<p>Around 1:00, Steve's phone buzzed in his pocket. Expecting a text from Nat, and hoping for an apology from Tony, Steve opened it. It was neither: The text was from Bucky.</p>
<p>Steve's stomach flipped as he stared at the name on his screen. The text was simple—<i>Do you still need to buy a White Elephant gift?</i>—but it improved Steve's mood tenfold. Now that the prospect of seeing Bucky was on the table, staying upstate didn't seem so bad.</p>
<p>Steve texted back, <i>Yes, I do. Are you offering to help me?</i></p>
<p>A moment later, from Bucky: <i>Yes, I am. Meet me here in an hour</i>, followed by an address in town.</p>
<p>A smile spread over Steve's face before he could stop it. With a glance around to make sure the Starks weren't nearby, Steve slipped on his coat, grabbed Tony's car keys, and headed outside.</p>
<p>When he got to the address, Bucky was already there. He waved a gloved hand at Steve, smiling over the scarf wrapped around his neck and chin.</p>
<p>"You made it!" Bucky said, voice raised so Steve could hear him through the wind. "This is the best place in town to buy gifts. Other than the liquor store, of course."</p>
<p>"I'll be the judge of that," Steve replied, grinning goofily at Bucky. They both had big smiles as Bucky pushed open the door.</p>
<p>Vases and trinkets were squished together on a number of tables, with narrow aisles separated by shelves of old books, candlesticks, statuettes, and other antiques. Steve's eyes darted from a gilded hairbrush to a handheld mirror before he looked at Bucky, eyebrows raised.</p>
<p>"There's so much to choose from," Steve said. "How do you make a decision in here?"</p>
<p>"Just pick the one that feels right," Bucky said, clapping Steve on the shoulder. "Trust your instincts. Whatever you pick will be perfect."</p>
<p>"How can you know that?"</p>
<p>"You have good instincts," Bucky said. Then he laughed and said, not unkindly, "Well, except for Tony."</p>
<p>Steve wanted to laugh it off, but all he could think of was that morning. His face must've fallen, because Bucky immediately drew his eyebrows together in concern. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."</p>
<p>"It's not your fault," Steve said, shaking his head. "We're just not in a good place right now."</p>
<p>Bucky took Steve's gloved hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "It'll be okay," Bucky said. He dropped Steve's hand, and Steve almost wished that he hadn't.</p>
<p>"Thanks," Steve said, trying his best to smile. Bucky didn't look like he believed it.</p>
<p>As they wandered through the store, Steve tried to parse together his feelings. He still loved Tony, but the longer they’d been upstate, the more doubt had creeped into Steve’s mind. He was starting to wonder if loving Tony was enough to want to be with him.</p>
<p>Steve tried to imagine his future—his graduation, his proposal, his wedding—tried to picture Tony with him through it all. The image had been so clear when he’d imagined this a week ago, but now Tony felt out of place. Steve wanted to go to museums, to know his boyfriend’s parents, to have a family. He wanted to make sacrifices for someone who’d make sacrifices for him in return.</p>
<p>Steve’s fantasy of proposing on Christmas morning had been snuffed out before they’d arrived, replaced by lonely vigils in the cold. This wasn’t the way Steve wanted to start his marriage. It wasn’t what he wanted his romantic life to be like at all.</p>
<p>Steve wandered through the aisles, but none of the items were registering. Then he turned the corner and saw Bucky, gloves sticking out of his pockets, reverently holding a ring.</p>
<p>Steve backed away before Bucky could see him. His stomach was in knots, his heart pounding. His head felt too crowded, thoughts swimming through his brain and demanding his attention all at once. Without thinking, Steve grabbed a random object—a nativity scene where all of the figures were cats—and went up front to pay.</p>
<p>Bag in hand, Steve walked through the aisles to find Bucky and tell him that he had to leave. But when he found him, Bucky was talking to somebody else.</p>
<p>Tony.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://www.bradfordexchange.com/products/918058_the-purr-fect-christmas-pageant-nativity-cat-figurine.html?cm_ven=GPS&amp;cm_cat=Google%7CProductAds&amp;cm_pla=185429464%7C75858815405&amp;cm_ite=918058&amp;gclid=CjwKCAiArbv_BRA8EiwAYGs23NZDJfpyom5qAEoYdJU4Sl5EkG4LR6lUlqYbOnIwLXKnf0-5_Y8XdRoC5D0QAvD_BwE">The cat nativity scene</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Bucky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bucky was now convinced that even though he was in med school, he was the biggest fucking dumbass imaginable. </p>
<p>Inviting Steve out when Steve was Tony’s boyfriend was one thing. Now that he knew that they were having problems, he was even more convinced that he was on the precipice of a god awful decision, even if he did hate Tony’s guts. </p>
<p>He shoved most of those thoughts to the back of his mind while he watched Steve putter around the shop, picking up a hairbrush and then carefully putting it back down, examining blue-and-white porcelain vases and fabergé plants until he found a nativity scene with a bunch of porcelain cats decorated like the three wise men, Mary, and Baby Jesus. Bucky raised an eyebrow and grinned, imagining one of the old rich assholes at the Stark’s party unwrapping a cat nativity scene and not knowing what the fuck to do with it. </p>
<p>Speaking of Stark, there was Tony, sweeping his way into the shop, bell ringing violently as he opened the door. Once he was inside, he immediately locked eyes with Bucky, narrowing them dangerously. </p>
<p>“I’m not even going to ask,” Tony said, huffing indignantly. “I have no interest in finding out why you were here.” </p>
<p>Bucky opened his mouth and then quickly closed it, feeling slightly ridiculous that just the sight of Tony staring him down could make him cowed into silence. “White Elephant Party, same as you, probably,” was what he managed to say, which earned him a sharp look from Tony. </p>
<p>“You really expect me to believe that?” </p>
<p>Just then, Steve turned around, the nativity scene wrapped in a shiny plastic bag with a Christmas tree emblazoned on it. The moment that he saw Tony, the easy smile that he had on his face slipped right off. He looked between the two of them, expression increasingly growing both concerned and confused. </p>
<p>“Tony, what are you doing here?” </p>
<p>“Can we talk about this back at the house?”</p>
<p>Tony looked contrite, apologetic, and for a moment, it was enough to make Bucky think that it was possible that he had misread their entire relationship. He looked down at the floor and started counting each individual slat of wood to try and make himself look like he was deep in thought about something else. </p>
<p>For a brief second, Bucky saw a flicker of anger on Steve’s face, and he thought that he might be able to witness Tony Stark get dumped by his boyfriend on Christmas Eve, which, sue him, he would have been plenty happy to see. </p>
<p>Becca had always said that he could hold a grudge forever.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” Steve nodded, absently rubbing the back of his neck. He smiled in Bucky’s direction. “I’ll see you at the party.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Bucky murmured, and as he watched Steve and Tony leave together, he could feel what was already a very bad idea getting worse. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a while, Bucky had wondered if the Starks’ house was exactly as big as he remembered it. Sometimes, he thought that time and nostalgia had made it larger, the house absorbing whatever feelings he’d once had for Tony. </p>
<p>Except as he and his family pulled up, it dawned on him, like it did every year, that it was really that fucking huge and the Starks really were that fucking rich. </p>
<p>Lights had been carefully strung along the driveway to guide guests into the main house (because yeah, there was more than one house on the damn property), with tastefully arranged wreaths on the windows and front door. Becca gripped his arm, practically swimming in an oversized faux fur coat, her grip getting tighter when he also spotted Jack Rollins, that grade-a asshole from high school, walking past them with the same bearing and intensity that he’d had when he was the school’s star quarterback who liked to fling around homophobic slurs. Except now he had some horrible job like defending greedy corporate assholes or selling creepshots to magazines. Bucky couldn’t remember which one he’d seen on Facebook the one time he’d looked him up, hoping his life was worse than his. </p>
<p>“You going to be okay?” Becca asked.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Bucky shrugged. Whether he would be was still debatable, because every step he took, he seemed to vibrate with the knowledge that Steve was close by—yeah, it turned out that inviting Steve out earlier and having dinner with him weren’t the best ways to get over his stupid crush. “I’ll just get drunk like I do every year.”</p>
<p>“Right, because that will end well.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m a very professional party drunk,” Bucky huffed as Winnie surged forward to go and say hello to Maria. “Not once in like seven years have I brought up any past bullshit between me and Tony, so there’s no way that anything like that could happen tonight.”</p>
<p>Once they were inside, Bucky immediately made a beeline for the bar, which turned out to be a bad idea, because Rollins was also leaning against the bar, drink in hand. He reflexively wrinkled his nose. “Don’t you have some kind of Christmas homophobe convention to get to or something?”</p>
<p>Rollins snorted, and raised his glass. “As it happens, I was invited.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure.” Bucky rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>“Besides, I have some very interesting pictures to show Howard,” Rollins said, glancing over at Steve. Bucky’s eyes widened, before he narrowed them.</p>
<p>“You’re full of shit,” Bucky shot back. </p>
<p>Rollins shrugged. “Guess Howard will have to be the judge of that one, huh?” He downed the rest of his drink and set it down at the bar. He crossed the room, leaning in close to Howard, who had joined Maria at the door to greet their guests.</p>
<p>Bucky took a deep breath, his bourbon-on-the-rocks in hand, ready to never see Rollins again. He turned and nearly bumped into Steve like this was some sort of parody of a romantic comedy where they accidentally splashed their drinks on each other and fell in love.</p>
<p>Christ, he had to stop watching the Hallmark channel when he couldn’t sleep. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Steve said immediately, although Bucky was pleased to see that he was smiling brightly. Bucky craned his neck, looking right past him, and noticing with a frown that Howard was nowhere to be found. Rollins, however, was, having cut back into the room over to Tony, who looked a little green.</p>
<p>Bucky bit his lip and hoped that he’d read the whole situation incorrectly.</p>
<p>“It’s not a problem, almost spared me the trouble of spilling my drink on myself later,” Bucky grinned, laughing a little, despite himself. </p>
<p>Steve laughed a little too, and fuck, okay, not helping the crush either.</p>
<p>“There was something I wanted to ask you,” Steve said. Bucky hoped that he could blame the flush that was creeping up his neck on the alcohol. </p>
<p>“Yeah? It’s not about your weird toe or something, is it?” Bucky asked, and Steve laughed, bright and clear, and Bucky was glad that he had said something kind of charming and not completely ridiculous like ‘Oh, is it if I will run away with you? Because the answer is yes.’ </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m doing some research into the intersection between medicine and art this semester, and I would love to get your opinion on a couple of pieces.” Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket and started scrolling through Instagram, while Bucky’s heart had most definitely gotten lodged in his throat. The idea that Steve might a) want his opinion and b) actively seek it out made him feel like he was definitely running a fever (which he would know, seeing as he was in med school). </p>
<p>“Hi everyone,” Maria said, entering the living room in what Bucky could only describe as an act of mercy, “We’ll be starting the White Elephant shortly.”</p>
<p>“Better get our seats then,” Bucky said, grinning nervously.</p>
<p>“Yeah, wouldn’t want to miss seeing who gets my gift,” Steve grinned, and it was a knowing grin that made an involuntary shiver go up Bucky’s spine. </p>
<p>Steve settled into a seat next to him, and Bucky couldn’t stop a warm and pleasant feeling from spreading throughout his body. His fingers twitched a little, having to stop himself from reaching out to touch Steve. </p>
<p>He scanned the room then, and spotted his mother, father, and sister sitting together. Becca shot a worried look in his direction—but, as it turned out, Becca wasn’t worried for the same reason that he was about to be. </p>
<p>Howard Stark came walking back into the living room, with Rollins standing beside him, looking every bit the smarmy asshole that Bucky remembered him as. Tony had only been a few feet away from the two of them, engrossed in conversation with Widow What’s-Her-Name, and the moment that the phone was thrust in front of him, all the color drained out of his face.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Howard asked, looking between Tony and Steve in a way that made Bucky shrink back in his seat. “Heir to Stark Industries Steps Out With Suspected Long-Time Partner?” From the headline, Bucky could only guess what picture Howard had just shoved underneath Tony’s nose. </p>
<p>“I didn’t—I—” Tony began, for once in his life, sputtering and completely useless in a conversation. Bucky was ashamed to say that he almost felt bad for him—almost. </p>
<p>Tony looked helplessly at Steve, who looked helplessly over at Bucky. He took a long drink from his bourbon to have something to do with his hands, and prayed that he might be swallowed up by the expensive antique chair that creaked underneath him every time he shifted his weight. </p>
<p>“You can’t really expect to believe that that’s actually me in that picture,” Tony said, and Bucky cast a glance in Steve’s direction, who was clutching his glass so tightly he was worried it might actually shatter. “I mean, you can’t really trust the paparazzi to put out anything real.” </p>
<p>“Steve?” Howard asked, looking over at Steve, who was turning progressively redder, gripping his glass in his hands. “Is this a real photo? Of the two of you?” </p>
<p>Fortunately for Steve’s glass, the doorbell rang and everyone’s attention was redirected to the front door. </p>
<p>Maria looked visibly relieved as she went over to open the door. Bucky could hear something like ‘sorry’ and ‘who?’ before a woman with red hair came barrelling into the living room. </p>
<p>“Steve!” she announced. “I’m here to win you back!” </p>
<p>Bucky blinked, because that was a little too out of a Hallmark movie to be believable. </p>
<p>Maria came to stand beside Steve, looking scandalized. “Is this the ex-girlfriend?” she asked Steve in a hushed tone. Bucky blinked again. </p>
<p>“Yes, I am the ex-girlfriend,” the woman proclaimed, “Like I said, I’m here to win back Steve after he left me at the altar...on…”</p>
<p>She cast a glance at Steve as she trailed off. “On my grandfather’s birthday. He was very upset.” </p>
<p>Steve looked at Tony, who looked back at Steve, who then looked at Bucky again, which made Bucky briefly think of a scene in Rocky Horror Picture Show and almost laugh out loud. Maybe he should have gone a bit easier on the bourbon, he thought, glancing down at his glass. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Steve took a deep breath. “I’ll go get my things.” </p>
<p>Bucky’s eyes widened. “You’re leaving?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Steve smiled back sadly. “It was nice to meet you.” </p>
<p>As Steve got up and retreated further into the house, Bucky suddenly felt like a chasm had opened up inside of him. He felt sick.</p>
<p>And this time he was pretty sure that it wasn’t the bourbon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Steve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Steve had first heard about the Starks' White Elephant Party, he'd been excited to go.</p><p>Of course, he hadn't actually known what White Elephant was, thinking it was just a fancy name like the White Party. He knew better now. There were a lot of things that he knew better about now.</p><p>As he slunk out of the party with Nat, Steve wondered if Tony would follow him. He hoped that he would, at first, that he'd leave his icy father and InstaMom and declare his undying devotion to Steve. But when Steve gave it more thought, he decided that if Tony did run after him, the only thing they'd do was break up.</p><p>"I can't believe I pulled that off," Nat was saying as Steve shoved his bags into her car, her cheeks flushed despite the cold. "As if you'd ever leave someone at the altar. As if I had a grandfather whose birthday you could ruin." She got quiet then, and Steve reached out his arm and pulled her into his side.</p><p>"Thanks for coming," he said. "Thanks for rescuing me."</p><p>"It wasn't all selfless, you know," Nat said with a small smile, leaning into Steve's chest. "It turns out this town has the perfect reservoir for dumping evidence. That water sucked down my laptop like—"</p><p>"Please don't finish that sentence."</p><p>"Fine. Because you're going through something right now, I won't finish the sentence." Nat pulled out of Steve's grasp and looked him in the eye, patting his arms. "Let's go for a walk."</p><p>They walked down the Starks' long driveway and into the street, passing rows and rows of cars here for the party. The neighbors' Christmas lights were shining in the dark, the warm yellow reminding Steve of the way he used to feel about Tony.</p><p>"I love karaoke," he said.</p><p>Nat raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.</p><p>"I was a theater kid in high school," he said. Nat started to laugh, and Steve said, "I have a point. Bear with me."</p><p>Nat nodded her consent, and Steve continued. "I was a theater kid in high school, but I never liked performing on a stage. Everyone looking at me, expecting me to be somebody else." Steve sighed, and Nat took his hand. "When I was a junior, I got the lead in the spring play. I don't know how. I wasn't very good. I looked the part, I guess. The other kids were jealous, and they were mean. And the worst part was, I didn't even want the part." Steve frowned again, his voice picking up some strength. "But I love karaoke. I like singing when I don't have to worry about being good. Just letting go and singing at the top of my lungs and sharing that moment with someone. Preferably someone I love."</p><p>"Steve, we can do karaoke in Manhattan."</p><p>"I'm not done," he said.</p><p>Nat smirked, then gestured for him to continue.</p><p>"My point is that Tony knows that story. He knows how much I value honesty, especially in a relationship. And he still lied to me, and he still forced me to lie to other people. To his parents." Steve paused. "I don't think he loves me as much as I thought he did."</p><p>"I don't think it's that simple," Nat said.</p><p>Steve's eyebrows shot up. He never thought she'd give up an opportunity to shit on Tony.</p><p>"Look, I know that Tony hasn't always treated you with the respect you deserve. And maybe that's a dealbreaker for you. But you are such a good person, Steve. There's no one in the world who could live up to that."</p><p>At her words, Bucky's face flashed in Steve's mind—Bucky diagnosing anyone who asked him to, Bucky being so kind to a stranger who looked sad at a party, Bucky singing karaoke at the top of his lungs—and it occurred to Steve, then, that he knew at least one person who could.</p><p>"That's not true," he told Nat. "There are ways to handle complicated situations and there are ways not to. Tony did this the wrong way. I don't think I can forgive him. And I don't think it's impossible to find someone who shares my values. I think that Tony has a type, and his type is people who are good."</p><p>"What are you getting at?" Nat asked. "You're using your determined voice. Are you about to do something stupid?"</p><p>"Yes," Steve said. "I am." And he marched back into the house.</p><p> </p><p>As Steve shoved his way into the foyer and headed to the heart of the party, he was determined to do two things: Break up with Tony Stark and kiss Bucky Barnes for the first time. He was running on adrenaline and instinct, refusing to give room to the thoughts that popped into his head: <i>this is a bad idea, you love Tony, it's too soon.</i> Each thought drifted away as soon as it appeared.</p><p>The living room was erupting with noise when Steve got there. Maria was crying, her iPad lying forgotten on the coffee table. Howard and Tony were huddled together in the center of the room, Howard gripping Tony's arm in what looked like a death grip. Rollins was gloating about how he'd found the picture in a decibel significantly higher than was necessary, and all around him people were laughing and jeering, congratulating him on the shot. Christmas music whispered in the background, drawing the room together in a loud, chaotic scream.</p><p>"Tony," Steve said, not loud enough to hear over the noise. He cleared his throat and said, louder, "Tony!"</p><p>Tony and Howard both turned to face him, as did the rest of the room. Even Maria wiped her eyes before glancing in his direction. Behind him, he could feel Nat's presence offering him comfort. There was no sign of Bucky.</p><p>"We need to talk," Steve said.</p><p>Tony looked terrified. Steve tried not to let his resolve soften as Tony turned his scared gaze on his father, then back again to Steve. "It's kind of a bad time," Tony said. "Like the worst possible time. Can't you see that? I feel like you should be able to see that."</p><p>His words sapped the strength Steve felt when he'd walked in. He hadn't considered the possibility that Tony would flat-out refuse to speak with him.</p><p>As Steve stood there and stared at Tony, trying to think of what to say, Howard spoke instead. "Don't you think you've done enough?" he said, his voice flat and cold.</p><p>"With all due respect, sir," Steve said, "this conversation doesn't involve you. This is between me and Tony."</p><p>"Like Hell it is!" Howard yelled. He let go of Tony's arm and walked up to Steve, getting in his face. "What you two have done is a disgrace to this whole family. It concerns me, it concerns Tony's mother, and it concerns this campaign!"</p><p>Steve maintained eye contact throughout this outburst, refusing to let Howard see him stand down. "I don't see it that way," Steve said. Then he glanced across the room and locked eyes with Tony, whose eyes were wide and fearful. "I just came back to say goodbye."</p><p>"Steve, please," Tony said. "Please don't go."</p><p>Every eye in the room was on them, their silence broken only by the music. Steve glanced around at all of them, trying to gauge what they were thinking. Some looked sympathetic, others upset. Only one of them looked nervous—Bucky.</p><p>When Steve saw him, a smile appeared like a sunrise. And like calm ocean waves in the morning, Bucky smiled back.</p><p>All of a sudden, Steve didn't care about the Starks and their drama anymore. All he wanted to do was get out, never deal with them again, and be with someone who actually made him happy. He pictured long days at the university library punctuated by calls from Bucky on his lunch break. He pictured weekends spent singing karaoke, holding hands as they walked through museums, eating from the food carts that Tony always sneered at. This future was nearing its dawn—all Steve had to do was get there.</p><p>He turned once again to Tony and said, "Let's go outside. To talk."</p><p>"No," Tony said. "No, we're not going outside, because then—" Tony looked at his father— "because then you're going to end things, and I can't deal with that. I can't."</p><p>Howard's face was turning red, but Tony just stared him down and said, "The photo is real, Dad. Steve and I are dating. Each other. Together. We're together." Then he looked back at Steve and said, "We're good now, right? Isn't this what you wanted?"</p><p>Howard began to yell at Tony, but Steve tuned him out. "No," Steve said. "This isn't what I wanted."</p><p>Behind him, he heard Nat snap her fingers and say, "Mm." Steve swatted her hand.</p><p>"Steve," Tony said, his voice plaintive, begging. "Steve, please. Don't go."</p><p>"We could've talked outside," Steve said. He locked eyes with Bucky again, but he wasn't smiling anymore. He looked shaken.</p><p>Frowning, Steve grabbed Nat's hand and left the room.</p><p>They had gotten only to the foyer when Steve heard footsteps behind them. Steve braced himself and turned around, expecting to see Tony's best attempt at puppy-dog eyes.</p><p>Instead, he saw Bucky's.</p><p>"Steve," Bucky said, jogging up to meet them. He nodded at Nat and said, "Hi."</p><p>Nat looked him up and down, her arms crossed over her chest. After a moment of silence long enough to be awkward, she said, "Hi."</p><p>Bucky turned back to Steve. "I go to med school in Manhattan," he said. "I never got the chance to ask, but, well... I know you go to NYU, and... I was hoping we could meet up sometime." Bucky sheepishly ran a hand through his hair, smiling nervously at Steve. "I know things are... complicated for you right now, but I had fun with you this weekend. I think we'd have fun in Manhattan, too." Bucky took a deep breath and Steve noticed how red his lips were. Then he darted his eyes back to Bucky's before he could notice Steve staring.</p><p>Footsteps echoed in the distance, and Steve knew that it had to be Tony this time. "I have to go," Steve said quietly. He wanted to hug Bucky and never let go. He needed to get out of there now.</p><p>"I—Okay," Bucky said. He forced a smile.</p><p>"I'll see you later, Bucky," Steve said. "Maybe in Manhattan."</p><p>Bucky smiled. "I hope so."</p><p>With that, Steve grabbed Nat's hand again and ushered them out of the house.</p><p>"What was that?" Nat asked when they were outside, pulling her hand away from Steve's. "I thought you were gonna do something stupid."</p><p>"I did," Steve said with a sigh.</p><p>They found Nat's car and slipped inside. The engine grumbled to life as she turned the keys in the ignition, then backed slowly out of her spot and onto the road. Steve flipped through radio stations until he found something they both liked, then sat back and leaned into the sound.</p><p>"You really like him," Nat said as they turned onto the main road.</p><p>Steve frowned. "I don't want to jump into a relationship so soon after I ended one." Then he sucked in a breath and said, "Shit. I ended one."</p><p>Nat gave him a small smile before turning back to the road. "It'll be okay, Steve," she said. "You always do the right thing."</p><p>“Yeah,” Steve mused. “I guess I do.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Epilogue - Bucky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Steve left, Bucky was kicking himself for letting his number sit in his phone. He’d gotten up the courage to admit that he had fun with him, that he wanted to see him again, and then he’d fallen short of doing the most important thing—actually contacting him. Goddammit. </p><p>Bucky spent most of Christmas Day completely sullen about whether he’d be able to see Steve again, when Becca got his phone from off the table and handed it to him. He furrowed his brow. “What are you doing?” </p><p>“Text him, idiot.” </p><p>“What, and tell him that I really like him and want to go out with him?” </p><p>Becca rolled her eyes. “Would it really be so bad to be honest about your feelings?’</p><p>Bucky made a face, and decided that being so upfront about his feelings was likely a bridge too far, but amid drinking far more eggnog than he probably should have in one sitting, he sat back in a giant armchair by the fire and wrote in a text to Steve: <i>I know it’s soon and all and I don’t want to be a rebound, but I like you. I want to see you again.</i>  He hoped that Steve was the kind of person who checked his text messages on Christmas.</p><p>And of course, Steve hadn’t messaged him back right away. Bucky reminded himself that it was Christmas, and that it would be unusual to hear back from him right away—especially after what had happened at the Starks’ White Elephant Party. </p><p>He looked at his phone for what was probably the eightieth time, before Becca snatched it out of his hands. He was about to protest when she said, “You’re obsessing now,” and frankly, he didn’t have a good answer to that. </p><p>Unfortunately, he also wasn’t able to stop thinking about Steve, not even when his dad dropped him off at the Amtrak station the next day to head back to New York. He couldn’t stop himself from feeling like his entire body was vibrating with excitement, anticipation, and dread. After all, it was incredibly possible that Steve would never contact him again, and he’d spend the rest of his life thinking about the fact that he let this gorgeous, wonderful man slip through his fingers. </p><p>It wasn’t hard for him to imagine him sadly telling the story to Alpine’s grandkittens one day, which didn’t exactly go a long way toward proving to Becca that he wasn’t incredibly dramatic. </p><p>It was just after his dad had hugged him goodbye and he’d stepped on the train that his phone went off. </p><p>
  <i>Yeah, I’d like that, Bucky. :)</i>
</p><p>Okay, Bucky thought, breathing a sigh of relief. A smiley face was definitely encouraging. Maybe he wouldn’t have to die alone after all.</p><p> </p><p>Steve had insisted that they meet up on January 2, which in retrospect was a perfect idea. There was nothing romantic about January 2, nobody looking to kiss anyone because it would soon be January 3. </p><p>Steve had picked a coffee shop that was, decidedly, not a Starbucks, because nobody went to Starbucks on a coffee date they were serious about in New York City. </p><p>It made Bucky’s stomach twist into knots. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t like Steve—on the contrary, he liked him very much. He was just worried that maybe he had sent signals that he wanted to be in a relationship right now, that maybe he was pushing Steve into coffee dates and feelings when he’d just broken up with his boyfriend. </p><p>It was a lot to be thinking about at a coffee shop with cute little signs that said things like ‘No WiFi, our only connections are with each other’ in loopy cursive, underneath multi-colored lights that were strung along the walls. </p><p>Bucky picked through a yogurt muffin and took a sip of his coffee that Steve had watched him sweeten to a terrifying degree. “I just wanted to let you know that I don’t have expectations here, Steve, none at all.” And as much as his chest ached whenever the two of them were apart now, as happy as just <i>seeing</i> Steve made him, he was definitely willing to put all of that aside if it meant that he could at least keep Steve in his life. </p><p>Bucky took a deep breath, and wondered if it would really be so bad to be straightforward about how much he liked Steve out loud. If anything, it would prove to Becca that he could actually be upfront with other people about how he really felt about them.</p><p>And by other people, he meant Steve.</p><p>“I..uh,” Bucky murmured, idly picking at a chocolate chip in his muffin, “The last thing I would want is for you to feel pressured to be in a relationship or anything. Especially after what happened with Tony.” </p><p>Steve was looking at him curiously, and Bucky’s stomach suddenly felt like it was churning a little, for reasons that had nothing to do with the four packets of sugar in his coffee. “I like you. I really like you, and maybe that’s completely ridiculous to say about someone that I just met a little while ago. Don’t know—but I really want to get to know you, and if you just want us to be friends, then, I mean, I’ll take it. Because I think I just really want you in my life.” </p><p>Steve was practically beaming, bright and sunny and happy. “I think I really like you too, Buck, but the last thing that I would want to do is rush anything. I think we could have something real.” </p><p>And maybe, just maybe, he felt a little less green, a little warmer, and a lot fucking happy. “Yeah, me too. I’ll wait as long as you want.” </p><p>Steve smiled, and Bucky felt like he was lying in the sun, he felt so warm. He could get used to this. “Thanks Buck, I really appreciate it,” he said, gently putting a hand on his arm. </p><p>Bucky smiled back. </p><p> </p><p>Within the next month, Steve had moved out of his apartment with Tony officially and moved in with Nat, sharing an already tiny one-bedroom apartment. While Nat made herself scarce whenever he knew that he was going to be coming over, it was far from an ideal situation, especially after Steve gently kissed him when they were watching a movie together.</p><p>Fuck if he was hooking up with a man who lived in half a living room, Steve or not. </p><p>The next time they hung out together they were at Bucky’s apartment. They ordered ramen from the restaurant across the street and stayed up until three in the morning playing Super Smash Bros on Bucky’s shitty tv. (“I’m gonna kick your ass!” “Steve, please, you are just pressing random buttons.”)</p><p>And when Steve leaned in to him and kissed him purposefully, he kissed back just as hard, and it felt right. </p><p>It felt right. </p><p> </p><p>Eight months later, after Nat’s lease had been up for renewal, Steve had hesitantly asked him if he would be interested in moving in together. </p><p>Their new place was a one-bedroom the size of a closet near the Cloisters, which had been such a steal that Bucky wasn’t sure how they managed to be so lucky. </p><p>Then again, as Steve pulled him along in line at the museum, he tended to wonder that a lot.</p><p> </p><p>On December 23, all thoughts of Tony Stark were a distant memory. Steve boarded the train at Penn Station with Bucky to head up to his family’s house for Christmas. Bucky had offered to avoid going back entirely, but Steve had furrowed his brow in that stupidly stubborn way of his and insisted that it wasn’t right for Bucky to not see his family just because his ex-boyfriend was from the same town. </p><p>Steve was listening to a podcast in the seat next to him, and Bucky couldn’t help but look over at him, smiling a little and squeezing his hand, before he dug one of the books out that he’d brought for the trip. </p><p>Of course, it was just a front. He couldn’t think about anything right now. </p><p>Because Steve had been incredibly clear about the fact that he didn’t want to be proposed to on Christmas morning.</p><p>That was why the ring weighing Bucky’s pocket down was for New Year’s Day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>we really hope you enjoyed! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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